She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
