My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
