Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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