all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
