it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
