I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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