College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
