I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
