there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
