your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
