Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
