Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
