I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
