I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
