Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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