First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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