i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
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by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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