I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
