WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes