so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..