And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train