this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend