is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
she looked like the before picture.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
