I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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