I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
