so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
