It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
