I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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