She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
