I can text with my tongue
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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