Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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