I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
