Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
