things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
