i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had sex on a roof
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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