i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
