the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
