im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
