so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
