I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
