You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize