She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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