my vag is so smooth its legendary
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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