Will you blow on my dice?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
