at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
