Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
