we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
