I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
