it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
