Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
