dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
