she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
