had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
