I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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