Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
