were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
