I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
