well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
