I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I am puke
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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