I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
