dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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