she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
