She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
