Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
