The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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