he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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