You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
