walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
