We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
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I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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