She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
