remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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