Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
