Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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