brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it's like iHOP with fire
i think i scared a bird with my dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Never let your siblings swipe right.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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